semtex: QUALITY! (QUALITY!)
[personal profile] semtex
Or: WTF Circadian Rhythms?

Most of my life, I have been a night owl. I figured it was hereditary, since my mom is the same way. In fact, I think she sleeps for four hours a night on average. The degree of insomnia I would experience would wax and wane, but in general, I wanted to go to bed as late as possible and sleep all morning. It interfered with my life when insomnia got really bad: going to bed at 3 am and shambling into work (usually a couple of minutes late) at 8:30 all disoriented. I was resentful and grumpy, and always kind of mocked THOSE MORNING PEOPLE. How dare they be productive at sparrowfart o' clock! For a while, my current job really enabled my broken sleep schedule because I could get away with coming in at like 10. Getting up in the morning was still an exercise in pain and scatterbrained frustration.


Then, about a year and a half ago, my brain just flipped a switch. It said HAVE I GOT A TREAT FOR YOU! It was in the middle of one of my darker depressions: my Effexor, something that had been reliable for years, just ceased functioning. I was terrified, because if Effexor didn't work, wtf would?!?! All those SSRIs just didn't cut it for me. Anyway, about my horrid sleep cycle: suddenly I was not going to bed at 3 am, I was WAKING UP at 3 am. Wide awake. I would lay there, not wanting to get up. My horror and dread would increase as the sky got lighter outside my window, and I realized that sleep was just not happening. And it's not like I felt the urge to get up and do anything, nope.

In the evening, my energy would lag and I'd settle in on the couch in a fog. This was unacceptable! Good-bye, creativity! Thus began this whole meds merry-go-round for the next year or so, as I desperately sought the right brain cocktail to beat the shit out of this stupid depression.

Along the way, a certain supervisor decided I should be at work EXACTLY AT EIGHT. I know, "my life is hard :(" right? I was already stuck with waking up too damn early so whatever. Well, I decided to show up at 7:30 instead, just to show I could do it, and oh yes, traffic sucked a little less if I left the house at 7.

Since then, my natural waking time has become 5:30 am, sometimes earlier. That's with no alarm clock; my eyes just pop open. Today, I made it into the office at 7:15. Checking my email and other assorted productive poop by 7:30. When, exactly did I become a MORNING PERSON? I see sunrises and shit. Birds tweeting. How did this happen? Did I somehow quite accidentally train myself into being this way just to spite my boss? D:


Thanks, early morning sleeplessness! At least I get to leave work earlier! Now if I could figure out a way to be more productive before I go to work, that would be fabulous.
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