semtex: wharlgarbl (red lantern kitty)
[personal profile] semtex
Or: My Thoughts On Adderall, Let Me Tell You Them

Yesterday, I was perusing the internet instead of working, like one does. I came across this article about someone's struggle with Adderall (and other pills) addiction, and it wasn't so much that the article itself gave me pause but it was the comments. Specifically, the comments that were all "OH MY GOD ADDERALL IS THE DEVIL IT IS A HORRIBLE DRUG" or "IT WILL WRECK YOUR LIFE!!" and well. Way to paint with a broad brush there, people.

Look, Adderall may be a terrible drug for you. But that doesn't mean it is a terrible drug for everyone. Not everyone has the addictive side effects, or has their life utterly devastated by using it. For some people, it's just the opposite. I'm one of those people.

Currently I'm on a cocktail of Wellbutrin and Abilify, and Adderall has been recently added to the mix. Wellbutrin is one of the few antidepressants that even puts a dent in my fucking chronic depression and Abilify, I've discovered recently, helps with my obsessive thinking, otherwise known as the Anxiety Spiral of Fail. Unfortunately, Abilify has some side effects I could do without: constant sleepiness, waking up too early, low energy, and a condition I can only define as Poo Brain* where I find it hard to concentrate and pay attention to shit. Actually, I should say it only makes my Poo Brain worse than normal.

Now, I've been prescribed Adderall in the past by two other psychiatrists. Basically, it is hard to differentiate between hardcore depression and ADD (the inattentive kind) sometimes. Like, which is causing the inability to PAY ATTENTION? Am I depressed because I can't CONCENTRATE PROPERLY LIKE A NORMAL ADULT? Am I anxious because I'm afraid that people around me will discover my horrible secret -- that I am for sure dumber than a box of rocks?? Could it be... I have both depression and ADD? One clue was that hyperfocused behavior they talk about sometimes. Yep, I get that. Welp.

Here's me on Adderall: I am finally able to be more organized. I can pay attention to what people are saying. I don't have to ask them, "Could you repeat that?" or "What?" all the time, when someone asks me a question (ugh I feel so dumb when I have to do that!). I'm not at risk for losing my job. I'm likely to be less annoying because I'm not as frustrated. Oh yeah, and my quality of sleep is better (lol wut?). Basically, the worst side effect I get is dry mouth, but that is what gum and water is for.

So yeah, I'm back on the Adderall train. And you know what? It is canceling out the Abilify-induced Poo Brain. I'm not in danger of falling asleep behind the wheel. I feel normal. Not sped up, jittery or what have you. NORMAL. And I like that feeling. I'm not saying everyone should be on Adderall. Yes, some people will no doubt get addicted to it. But it is helpful to some, myself included.


PS: WOW two tl;dr posts in as many days. I'm sorry?? Maybe I'll talk about comics tomorrow?

*I stole this term shamelessly from Adventure Time, because it is perfect.
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