[personal profile] semtex
Or: WTF Circadian Rhythms?

Most of my life, I have been a night owl. I figured it was hereditary, since my mom is the same way. In fact, I think she sleeps for four hours a night on average. The degree of insomnia I would experience would wax and wane, but in general, I wanted to go to bed as late as possible and sleep all morning. It interfered with my life when insomnia got really bad: going to bed at 3 am and shambling into work (usually a couple of minutes late) at 8:30 all disoriented. I was resentful and grumpy, and always kind of mocked THOSE MORNING PEOPLE. How dare they be productive at sparrowfart o' clock! For a while, my current job really enabled my broken sleep schedule because I could get away with coming in at like 10. Getting up in the morning was still an exercise in pain and scatterbrained frustration.

Then, about a year and a half ago, my brain just flipped a switch. It said HAVE I GOT A TREAT FOR YOU! It was in the middle of one of my darker depressions: my Effexor, something that had been reliable for years, just ceased functioning. I was terrified, because if Effexor didn't work, wtf would?!?! All those SSRIs just didn't cut it for me. Anyway, about my horrid sleep cycle: suddenly I was not going to bed at 3 am, I was WAKING UP at 3 am. Wide awake. I would lay there, not wanting to get up. My horror and dread would increase as the sky got lighter outside my window, and I realized that sleep was just not happening. And it's not like I felt the urge to get up and do anything, nope.

In the evening, my energy would lag and I'd settle in on the couch in a fog. This was unacceptable! Good-bye, creativity! Thus began this whole meds merry-go-round for the next year or so, as I desperately sought the right brain cocktail to beat the shit out of this stupid depression.

Along the way, a certain supervisor decided I should be at work EXACTLY AT EIGHT. I know, "my life is hard :(" right? I was already stuck with waking up too damn early so whatever. Well, I decided to show up at 7:30 instead, just to show I could do it, and oh yes, traffic sucked a little less if I left the house at 7.

Since then, my natural waking time has become 5:30 am, sometimes earlier. That's with no alarm clock; my eyes just pop open. Today, I made it into the office at 7:15. Checking my email and other assorted productive poop by 7:30. When, exactly did I become a MORNING PERSON? I see sunrises and shit. Birds tweeting. How did this happen? Did I somehow quite accidentally train myself into being this way just to spite my boss? D:

Thanks, early morning sleeplessness! At least I get to leave work earlier! Now if I could figure out a way to be more productive before I go to work, that would be fabulous.

Date: 2012-02-13 09:49 pm (UTC)
dancesontrains: (no tea no work)
From: [personal profile] dancesontrains
/incoherent opinions about insomnia and how it can suck all the dicks

Date: 2012-02-14 12:01 am (UTC)
dancesontrains: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dancesontrains
I've been staying awake until four am or so recently, then waking up at six to say bye to my dad as he goes to work, then sleeping all morning. Which was awkward today, as I almost overslept for an afternoon appointment and had to dash out without eating or packing a water bottle, which meant having a gloriously fun evening of recovering from the battering I accidentally put my body through!!z

And it's midnight and I'm tired and need to sleep, do I look asleep to you >:(

Date: 2012-02-14 12:14 am (UTC)
dancesontrains: (Lizzy's dress)
From: [personal profile] dancesontrains

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